Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
