when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
