Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
