Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
