brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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