Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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