If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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