just survived the first fart of the relationship.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
