I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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