she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
