I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
