I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
We're too hungover to prance.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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