so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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