I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
