the new term for farting is butt boxing.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
