Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize