Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
