there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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