Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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