She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
