pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
