seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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