Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Come back. Shots need mouths.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
