I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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