Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
is wine microwaveable?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
