I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
