TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
