Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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