OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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