I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Randomize
