in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
