im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
