they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
