My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
accomplished twins. life is a go
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
