remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
