no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
