Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
