True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
