oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Randomize
