fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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