I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
