i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
