If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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