She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
