I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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