the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
