Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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