I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
