when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
