It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
