If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
