Sponge bath it is.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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