It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
