i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
