new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
