mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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