We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
