found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
