Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
