i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
