I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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