you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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