i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
