I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Someone signed my nipple.
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