i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
