Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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