ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
